Just Can't Swallow This
I'm off tomorrow morning for a pedicure - one of the few indulgences I don't feel too guilty about. I got a voucher at Her Majesty's birthday party for a beauty spa, and the amount just covered a pedicure. I thought I'd give it a go since I was unhappy at my old place. Not only did my toes turn out great, but I actually fell asleep during it. I'd never had a pedicure that I got to lie down during, so I was pretty happy and so made a repeat appointment.
I knew this place also offered a bunch of other treatments I would never go for, from facial peels and body sculpting, but I found it pretty easy to ignore them. But then I got a their "newsletter" in the post last week with this nonsense:
"Body detox therapy creates a flow of electrons, which imparts a bio-energetic field into water, this travels thorough the body via the feet, stimulating circulation. This regulates both the supply of oxygen and nutrients to the tissues and aids the proper excretion of waste products (toxins) out of the body. The body is therefore more likely to be healthy, allowing it to restore the body to natural healing energy levels."
What. The. FUCK?! I'm sorry, but that just doesn't make any sense at all. On any level. It gets better, or worse depending on your viewpoint...
"The recipient immerses their feet in a bowl of water containing the body detox array. Salt is added and the therapist checks the water level. The recipient sits back & relaxes for 30 minutes whilst the body detox equipment completes its treatment cycle. Circulation is stimulated, allowing cells to release toxins and re-balancing begins in the body. The ionised water reacts and begins to darken, showing excreted toxins and lymphatic fat. The effects of the therapy continue in the days following treatment, as additional toxins are excreted in urine and stool."
I can't even begin to explain how FUCKING stupid this is. I stick my feet in salty water for 30 minutes and I'm on the road to well being? "The body detox equipment"- it's a bowl of water! "Lymphatic fat"? Even if I wasn't a nurse and knew there was no fat in the lymph system, I know there are no lymph nodes in my feet. So how is this supposed to work? By what mechanism? By sticking my feet in salty water with a sprinkle of "body detox array", whatever the hell that is? And then the leftover "toxins" travel from my feet back to my kidney's so I can wee them out, or back to my bowel so I can have a nice toxin-filled BM a few days later?
But wait, there's more!
"The symptoms of many common ailments can be combated through this treatment including: Arthritis, Insomnia, Circulation, Headaches, Metabolism, Skin Problems, Menstrual Pain, Your well-being, Liver and kidney function, Balance in the whole body..."
It slices! It dices! It makes julienne fries! It's the greatest thing EVER!
"A course of 6 treatments, over 3 to 6 weeks is recommended for optimum self-detoxification."
A fool and her money are soon parted, and I am no fool. This is absolute 100% BULLSHIT. There is no way it can work, from a physiological standpoint. But since this place gives a pretty sweet pedicure, I'm going to close my eyes to the overwhelming woo (this is not the only stupid treatment they offer, just one of the silliest) by slapping a wheat pack over my eyes, curl up under a blanket and grab a nap while they make my feet purty for summer.
Pink toenail polish, hold the detox.
6 Witty Remarks:
Isn't it amazing what some people will buy! They have the foot pads over here - slap them on your feet, watch them turn dark and be cured of everything that ever bothered you. All for $39.95 a treatment.
I do love the pedicures though. There is something so relaxing about having your feet massaged, to say nothing of having someone else saw through the ridiculous thickness of my toe nails. You do have to splurge one time though and go for a facial. It feels absolutely wonderful, I found a promising spa in the next town over and I am going to give it a try.
Geez, I hope you also get a free set of steak knives that cut through shoes... actual shoes! LOL. What a crock! And yet... people must buy them lol
Feet are gross, just gross. Salted, corned or jammed - yuk. This is an aesthetician's joke on the unwashed masses... make me touch your stinky gnarly dogs, and I will separate you from every penny you have by confusing the beejezers outta you.
Lots of people make lots of money on the fact that most people don't know anything about biology. There's this commercial that they play on Go all the time about 'potentiated bee pollen'. That doesn't makes sense on more levels than I can deal with in a comment.
Oh how funny! I have only had two actual pedicures and as much as I love it...I am pretty conservative with where I spend. I would so much prefer a massage and just do my own feet. I do my own (pretty darn relaxing) pedicures using hot water and essential oil soaks, pumice, Topricin foot cream (natural and wonderful) and some nice color! Perfect :) and best of all, my feet feel great for a fraction of the price! Cute post...thanks!
AmazingGrace (hey chickie!)I will point out I have pretty clean feet - I tend to wear socks around the house and keep them clean. But my toes are a body part I kinda like so I like them to look nice.
I'm the opposite of you, smilinggreenmom (and thanks for stopping by, btw) - I like the concept of a massage but don't like the idea of a stranger touching anything but the peripheral parts of my body. And finding time around here to do my own is like telling the sun not to set - ain't gonna happen! :-)
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