Neglected
I'm very sorry I've been neglecting you, dear Blog and my readers. Sheldon, my muse, is now refusing to speak to me. We had a spat the other day and I meant to blog about it... but time, as is its habit lately, got away from me.
That's how it's been with just about everything lately. I want to do about 20 things, have time for half of them at that moment and when the time comes to do the other 10 it's so late and I'm so freakin' tired I just push it all off to the next day... and the day after that... and the day after that...
I've also been very emotionally drained these past few weeks. I won't go so far as to say Winston, my black dog, is back - this is not self-delusion, but a conclusion I reached after a lot of introspection - but I'm feeling a little low in the tank. I am missing my family back in the States very much without missing the actual place. I haven't seen my mother for nearly 3 years, my in-laws for longer than that and my brother for just over 2 years, and lately that's been very hard to take. Especially when I know we won't be getting back until at least next year. That has caused me to reflect upon the upcoming anniversary of my father's death and have not been coping as well as you'd think given it's been 14 years. Add to that the normal stresses of everyday life with a busy family with an especially demanding 2 year old and it's not surprising that I have very little time for other things, or the emotional energy to do so even when I have the time.
And it's making me insane, because I love my blog. I think about it all the time, about how I want to have 30 minutes to do a post, a few hours to redo my template, to find that picture I remembered I had that would make a great header... My blog gives me an outlet that I know I would have a hard time finding anywhere else. Don't get me wrong - my friends both here and online (and yes, I call you my friends even though we may never have met because that's how you feel to me) are fantastic. I just find it easier sometimes to write how I feel rather than say it aloud.
Damn, you'd think I was falling to pieces after reading all that. I'm not, I just feel like it now and again. I'm still thrilled about starting my new job in less than 2 weeks, and I find things to laugh at. Like this:
You may not "get" Mystery Science Theater, but just the whole 1950s Happy Days-esque clip of how a family should be - when really it never was - is enough to make me giggle. "Pleasant and unemotional conversation makes for better digestion." What the fuck???
So indulge me a little more as I try to find my emotional equilibrium again. I'm pretty sure I left it around here somewhere... maybe under the cushions.
8 Witty Remarks:
Consider yourself indulged.
Take your time. Come back when you can. We'll be waiting patiently.
Patience... I read about that once.... didn't like what I read :- )
Luv ya babe :-)
Venting is occasionally good for the sole. I used to vent at the windshield of my truck as I traveled down the highway.
Your Mom and I always have you in our thoughts on a daily basis. We understand the frustrations of the distance between us, and it's as frustrating to us as it is to you.
It'll get better some time in the future. Have faith.
I can fully sympathize with your angst. I have plenty of it myself.
Your film clip of dinner at the Ives house was thoroughly enjoyable.
Poor Moose. We all feel like that at times. I find children and husbands are pain in the behind but good to have around too!
I love the clip! My Mum often reminds us that she learnt how to be a good wife as part of her all girls school education, right from year 1! My Mum is nothing like that though so too bad for my Dad!!
Oh yes, I always look my best for my dear husband's return! As if! Can you imagine siblings actually being that nice to each other?!
We eat together many nights a week, it's a good time to catch up. Also teaches table manners for eating out. We certainly notice the lack of table manners in some children who visit. Oh my!
Thankfully you can keep in contact with the internet and photos. Not as good as the real thing though. I'm sure it must be hard. I couldn't live that far away from my family. And of course, you have us!!
I love the fact that you have names for both your muse and anti-muse.
Thanks guys. You're awesome.
MM - while we do try to sit at the table for dinner, it's not quite like this, er... event. Just trying to get Clive to sit still is an exercise in patience.
Free Man - Winston is what I call my depression, in honour of Winston Churchill who referred to his depression as "the black dog". But I like the idea of an anti-muse, and so now it shall be. Like those cartoons where the angel and devil sit on your shoulder... Sheldon my studly muse and Winston, the mopey dope. :-)
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