Miss Thing Update
As promised, here are some updates on my offspring. I thought I'd start with the most challenging first.
You may recall that earlier in the year she announced her intentions to move out, and despite our protests and HUGE misgivings she did so in March. That night she sent me a text message about how wonderful I was and how she was not going to regret it and it was all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns.
That lasted about 2 weeks, and for the last 5 months I've heard nothing but grief and complaints and put up with just as much drama as when she was here. She has known the girl she moved in with since they were both in Year 8, and have a long and painful history together. It was the fact that Miss Thing was moving in with her that was the cause of one of my concerns - they simply couldn't go for more than a few days without a disagreement of some sort. They could not agree on a third flatmate. There were fights with the girls' boyfriend. It. Never. Stopped.
When Miss Thing stayed here in April when we went to Bargara Beach I got calls every night with some drama or another. When we came home there was so much that wasn't done that I had asked her to do I had steam coming out of my ears and I vowed never again. I would pay someone to take care of things instead.
We had drama with work. We had drama with her father, The Bastard, when she would call him and then get upset with his behaviour. I got complaints that I never spent any time with her. She had a huge dummy-spit when we couldn't take her out for a family birthday dinner right on her birthday weekend owing to other commitments and me being in my last prac at university and then when we did - with me taking a night off work to do it - she blew us off to get a tattoo.
Honestly, it was like she never left. But left she did. The Hermit sat her down just before she moved out and explained to her that while there would always be a place for her at the table, life here at Chez Mooselet would go on. I don't think she absorbed that message very well, do you? She got cranky when we finally started to refit her old bedroom for Sparky (we did give it a few months) so we could give Her Majesty and Clive their own bedrooms, and we only have the carpet to be installed next week before we move Sparky in.
And guess what? She needs to move back home. It began last week with the news that the friend, in whose name the lease was, didn't think she wanted to renew said lease. I asked how much time they had left on it and she told me a couple of months. We suggested they discuss it. By Sunday the time frame was 3 weeks and the lease was definitely not going to be renewed. Miss Thing could not find 2 new flatmates in such a short space of time and didn't know anyone who was looking for a roomie. Or simply wasn't interested. By yesterday the time frame was a week and a half.
Rereading this I can see why I haven't blogged about Miss Thing since she moved out. It makes my head hurt.
Now the only question is where we put her. It looks as if she will go into Sparky's old room; I won't deny Sparky the chance to go into the room that's been done up for him because Miss Thing still hasn't figured out she's not the centre of the universe. But it does mean the continued refit will go on hold and Her Majesty and Clive will be together a bit longer.
Miss Thing goes back to the US in October for another month-long visit (funded by her tax refund), and she tells me coming back is "only temporary". It makes me feel pretty terrible to think of how much stress this is going to cause. She's my daughter and I love her, but for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster I can no longer deal with the drama that she invites into her life. She is going to have to fit herself around our schedule and while she says she understands that, I foresee that attitude lasting a week before she's shouting she has to be somewhere at a certain time and needs to leave earlier/later than usual.
Isn't it nice to know the more things change, the more they stay the same? Now if you will excuse me, I need to beat my head against something hard and unyielding. It will be less painful.
13 Witty Remarks:
You are right - some things never change. She has yet to grow up. I'd love to give you some wise advice, but most of what I would say would probably not help. I think you and the Hermit ( and Her Majesty) are being overly generous by not going forward with the plans to redo Sparky's old room. A fold out in the den is a place to sleep after all, or one in the Granny flat.
Not being the center of the universe is a hard pill to swallow at the age of 18. Most of us were a lot younger when we figured it out.
I vote for a fold-out in the den, plus a stipend to cover food and utilities.
The granny flat should be kept available for visitors. Or, if she wants that, she should pay a reasonable rent to cover utilities.
Neither is harsh. She's legally an adult, and needs to remember that and act accordingly.
Mama Mooselet is a wise lady and has good advice. I also like Shepster's idea for Miss Thing to get the sofa or actually pay rent for the granny apartment.
Hang in there. Holler if you need Reece's PB cups and I'll send a shipment.
I did consider the sofa, but then it becomes an inconvenience for everyone else as well. Still debating about the granny flat, but that's The Hermit's office/gym as well. I've left that final call to him. And she will be paying some rent and utilities no matter where she ends up.
I thought you had a camper van.... seems like a perfectly good place for a teen to stay whilst she gets her shit together. That way it doesn't put anyone in the house out and is just comfortable enough to suffice, but uncomfortable enough to make her look for someone else.
That sounds win win to me :-)
Hammock strung between two trees?
I meant uncomfortable enough to make her look for someWHERE else, not someONE else....although... whatever works lol.
Yes, the camper! I know a family who have their daughter in the camper. Perfect!
Good luck to you all. I think a drivers licence will certainly help too. At least you'll be able to get those hours up now.
Show her some of these appropriate responses and let her choose her options. Then you're not the bad guy.
LOL @ Shepster!
Life is full of making big decisions and living with them, she's going to need to get used to doing that on her own at some point.
We all do!
Oh boy, teenagers (or early 20s?). I think when they get to this stage of life the best thing you can do is to pull back and let them get on with it. They've got to make huge mistakes and you've got to let them. No fun. But the only way for you to stay sane. Detach with love.
I just love reading your teen-angst blogs cause it makes our household dramas seem just normal! Ok, you have a few years on me in the developmental timeframe, but knowing that someone else out there feels like banging their head against the wall at the frustrations of parenting these kids is somewhat comforting!
You took me back 20+ years, when I was the Miss Thing--my Mom would have called me Miss Monster! It was her-as A Free Man said- detached support and love that got me through an interesting stage of life. On the bright side she is now my best friend in the world.
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