Down and Confused
... and a little hurt.
I'm not quite ready to blog about it in all its gory detail, because I haven't sorted out how I completely feel about it yet. But I will tell you it involves Miss Thing, her plans to move out when she turns 18 in May and what her future plans are.
That sounds very melodramatic, and it's not like she's planning on joining the circus or anything. It's very much in line with Miss Thing's personality of knowing everything and not listening to what those in know have to say - a continuation of her high school ways, really. For which she still refuses to accept responsibility for her less-than-stellar outcome, stating that no one told her what was expected or what would happen. I somehow prevented my head from exploding when she said that and set her straight - that all we did for 3 years was tell her but she refused to listen until it was too late.
So here we are again. The Hermit and I have been after her to set some plans in motion as concerns future education, and her response is to not hear what we're saying and move out. Do her own thing. I'm sure my own mother is reading this and seeing shades of several irresponsible decisions I made when I was only a couple of years older than Miss Thing, and that's true. I fucked up and took a HUGE detour in life when I was 20. In my defence, I had two things happening in my life that Miss Thing does not - I was involved with the Bastard and all the fucked-up dynamics that an abusive relationship brings, and (without getting into details that would hurt Momma Mooselet, whom I love and adore) my own family dynamics weren't good. Sorry, you'll have to take my word for that as I won't get into it. Miss Thing does not have those pressures - all she has is a mother and stepfather who want her to make a plan that goes beyond a job that, while it pays well, really doesn't have a future path for someone so young. I always knew that schooling was important, yet I somehow can't get that message to my offspring no matter how hard I try.
Does that make sense?
I'm a bit depressed by it all. I'm happy for her to be on her own someday - it's something I never experienced that I sometimes wished I did. But not like this. And I'm confused by my own feelings - I'm not trying to keep her in the nest, but I don't think she can fly yet. And I'm hurt that I still can't reach her, that all she sees is right now and can't see how an education will help her in the future. I feel like all I can do is watch her fall from the nest, and what kind of a mother does that?
Gee, I guess I gave you more gory detail that I thought I would.
So excuse me while I go have a good cry and then over-indulge in chocolate to make myself feel better. I'll try and be happier tomorrow.
5 Witty Remarks:
I have an 18 year old. I understand.
I'm guessing it is so much worse too, as you're so busy and tired right now.
I wasted my youth. I didn't finish school and didn't travel as much as I wanted. I ended up on the right track, eventually, with a great job and then a great husband (well, some days he's ok but don't tell him that!). Three kids, great sometimes! Unfortunately through bad business we're now starting out again and scraping by... but...
I'm sure my parents had some worries and now they have the grand children to worry about.
Life is so hard. Don't you just want to slap them sometimes?! Good luck to you all.
I'm sorry you're going through this. *hugs*
You are at the toughest stage of motherhood with Miss Thing. The OH MY GOD SHE IS MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE and I can't do anything to prevent it. Every parent with grown children have gone through it and it really hurts.
You are right that some of what pushed into marrying the Bastard was the situation between your father and I - I do wish things have been different. But you can't go back in time. I am sorry.
The thing to do now is to just go with the flow - it's about all you can do.
Living on your own can be an exciting thought, but it is full of eye opening experiences. Being totally responsible for yourself can make you grow up very quickly. The telephone company doesn't provide cash advances if you fall behind and neither does the landlord. You need to believe that you have given her a good upbringing and that she will get along. Just try to be available when she wants to talk - which she will.
As her grandmother I probably shouldn't say this, but be sure she knows how to obtain and use birth control, and that she is aware of std's and the danger of sleeping around. She doesn't need a child and she needs to keep herself healthy.
And resist the urge to bail her out the first time she gets into financial trouble (and she will), but let her know you will always be there for her. A willing ear and advice good - money bad!
This is the hardest thing to do and I wish I could be there for you. No matter how old your child gets, they stay your child.
Love you, Mooselet.
Hugs to out to you. MM has hit the nail on the head...be there for her.
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