About Yesterday
Thanks to everyone who left encouraging comments on yesterday's post. I'm feeling more like myself after a fairly good night's sleep, although I'm still a bit sick inside over the thought.
But I want to make a few more points. Or more accurately clarify a few things. I wasn't at my best yesterday and I think I may have left the wrong impression.
One - That I in absolutely no way, shape or form blame Momma Mooselet and the problems in my parent's marriage for my own situation with the Bastard. MM made the only decision she could in an impossible situation and no apology is necessary. I'm a big believer in personal responsibility - maybe too much as I tend to take responsibility for EVERYTHING - and so I do not lay blame on others for my stuff-ups. I made mention of my then-homelife to give you some context in what I felt the differences were between my own mistake-filled younger years and Miss Thing's life.
Two - That I feel someone who does not have a college or university degree is somehow less worthy. My father never went to college, and my mother went but never finished. My brother does not hold a degree of any kind. My mother was a senior VP in her super-large company, and my brother is the CTO of his. And more importantly, they're awesome people. A lot of my friends don't have degrees, and you know they're great people because they're my friends. {{insert smiley face here}} A lack of a piece of paper does not condemn you to a miserable life. Nor does holding advanced degrees make you a better person - George W. Bush, anyone??? But I think most people would agree that furthering your education, be it degrees or certificates or training courses, helps you a great deal. It can be a struggle without them. But the point I was trying to make, and I think it came across badly, was that Miss Thing has no plan. No plan to go to school, no plans NOT to go to school. We can't even get her to ring up and find out her rank to see what her options would be - she just doesn't want to know. (And no, I can't do it for her... I tried.)
Again, I know that no plan doesn't mean a life of misery. But it means a lot of struggling, and I'd spare her that if I could. If she'd let me. But she won't, and so I'm left feeling like something of a failure even though I know I'm not. I think if you took me to a shrink right now I'd get some heavy-duty medication and time in a padded cell. Hmmm... doesn't sound unappealing right about now.
So I baked a cake yesterday, and it turned out decently. I've had two pieces this morning. Hermit's Lil Sis sent me virtual chocolate and much-missed Ben & Jerry's over on Facebook. I've gotten messages that tell me I'm not alone, which means a lot. Thanks.
And now I'm heading out for my 4th week of clinical prac. I only hope it's busier than last week so I can get my mind off all this for a little while.
8 Witty Remarks:
Honestly, teenagers are put here to test us lol.
Not having been through it with a teenager but as a teenager... at some point you have to let go and let them make their own mistakes. I did and am much better for it (even if I do have a 13 year old lol).
Like Momma Mooselet said... support and advice...yes.
Money... NNNOOOOOOO!!
You learn that you have to grow up pretty quickly, I can vouch for that. Ok, so I'm still not quite there but I think I'm doing ok :- ) She will too.
Chin up Mooselet
Hmmm.... my comment would stay here....
We try and tell our children that education gives you choices. Wish I had more choices. Totally my fault I don't. If I could do my life over I would change a heap of things.
Hopefully they will do ok. Kids!
And Miss WTF, if you didn't have your 13 year old my 13 year old wouldn't have half the amount of clothes he does! See, there's a bright side to everything!
Knowing you fairly well, I never thought you blamed me for your earlier mistakes. You have always been ultra-responsible - too much so sometimes. Which is probably why you get along so well with the Hermit - he is the same way.
Not having a plan is also not a total downer. As I tell most everyone, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. The Shepster would probably tell you that may never happen.
Miss Thing has a lot going for her. She is not stupid, she has a great family and she has some real talents. She will find her way. The guys from the horse rescue have all asked how she is doing and if she has found a way to work with horses over there. They all thought she was great.
Another up side to this is that Sparky will see how hard it gets for her and will more than likely try to find an easier way.
Keep the chin up - things have way of working out all right.
You are setting a good example by going for your nursing certification. She'll come around eventually.
Wish I had something for you Moose, having had our own situation with The Princess. She's finding out it's not all wine and roses, that's for sure, but she did decide she needed to go to college and has been taking classes since.
Miss Thing will see reality at some point. It might be a little painful for her (dope slaps aren't that comfortable), but she'll wake up.
Virtual hug for ya, Moose. Hang in there.
I think you've said it well. Your concern for Miss Thing is fully justified. I agree that having a college degree doesn't make a person better than another who doesn't, but it sure makes their life easier on so many fronts. It's a tremendous value. I know a lot of people who didn't go to college when they were young, but did so later. Perhaps Miss Thing will have an epiphany and develop a plan.
My husband does not have a college degree. But he knew he had to work to pay the rent. He got an entry level job fixing radios for the Forest Service, then a better job in electronics, and so on and so on, and built a career out of that. His plan was always electronics...back in our day it was an elective in high school.
Me? Went to college but had no plan. But we wanted to buy a house...so that became the plan and I eventually found a decent job (but never made as much money as he did).
My 18-year-old doesn't know what he wants to do. But he is going to school, working part time, and putting money in the bank.
My 13-year-old has a plan. Cal Poly - architecture.
The point of this long rambling comment? I agree with you 100%. Degree or not, it's important to have a plan, a goal, a focus.
Good luck to you and yours.
You know I thought raising a gaggle of toddlers was painful... until we found my step daughter in all of her glory. She's a beautiful girl with an awesome personality and a killer sense of humor who was brought up so negligently (sp?) that I'm finding teens, especailly teen girls, are far more frightening then 10 2 year olds having tantrums. I'm told by more then one person that it isn't her upbringing but that the dramatics and the absolute NEED to do their own thing is most teens in general.
Your not alone, you didn't fail, I left home when I was 16 and while I may not have made the best choices in the world it was something I had to do for me. Just leave the door to the nest open.. you may find that she can ideed fly and she may just fly back home.
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