Random Work Thoughts

In case you haven't figured it out, stocking shelves is not exactly brain-stimulating work. Of course, taking care of small children isn't rocket science either, but with all the noise the thinking part of my brain isn't engaged. It shuts down and goes into self-preservation mode. I pretty much don't think anything other than "When is it 7 o'clock so they can go to bed?" Since we're not allowed to wear iPods at work for safety reasons, my mind is given ample time to wander down various paths. I wish I could say it comes up with deep and meaningful thoughts instead of crap like this:

- Dear Large Grocery Store That Employs Me: If you are going to advertise that you have lowered your price from the previous price, you might want to make sure you've really done so. When you "slash" your price from $2.45 down to $2.45 and make a pretty little tag to pat yourself on the back, don't wonder why you end up on A Current Affair or Today Tonight.

- Also, your focus group was yanking your chain when it recommended artists like The Spice Girls, Britney Spears and Mike and the Mechanics as good shopping music. None of these make people want to buy more crap - it makes them want to flee the store.

- Dear SPC: For a name brand, your cans suck. I expect generic brand cans not to stack on top of each other without falling over, that's why they're $0.49. But if you expect me to shell out $1.29 for cans of something that are going to fall over in my pantry every time I bump the shelf, you're delusional. I'll buy the other name brand. Think I'm alone? Let me tell you, I restock a lot more of the other brands than I do of yours.

- Restocking tiny tins of tuna really sucks ass. Especially when they're on special.

- People steal the stupidest things. You almost expect to find empty make-up and condom packaging, especially with a high school nearby. But saffron? Tic-Tacs? Toilet disinfectant? What is wrong with you?

- I really, really hate the smell of black liquorice.

- If you don't want me to use my knife to open the box of your product, don't use tape to seal it. I know you don't want me to damage the flimsy-ass packaging protecting your overpriced product, but do you expect me to use my incredible telekinetic powers to get to whatever is inside the box? Don't want me to slice it - use glue!

- I don't know who exactly restocks the shelves during the day, but it is NOT acceptable to put the extra jars "wherever" instead of up on the top shelf. There are two reasons for this: if you put a $7 bottle of sauce in a bay for a $3 product you can bet your sweet ass some little old lady will be complaining to the service desk because she was overcharged even though she knows it really does cost $7 but the tag where she found it said $3. The second reason is that I, or one of my fellow nightfillers, will have to rectify your laziness and we don't have time to be cleaning up after you. Do your job properly and I won't be forced to curse you.

- My mother is now quietly disturbed that I admitted I have to use a knife at work. Given I nearly sliced off the pad of my thumb when I was 11 or 12, and cut through the tip of my index finger with a teaspoon when I was 7-ish, her concerns are partially justified. Needles are one thing, but knives?

- Do you have to bring your screaming child to the store at 8:30 at night? Why do you think I come to work - to get away from my own screaming children. I'm not talking about the single parents who have to bring their kids, I mean the couples who drag their overtired brood in their pyjamas to the store to pick up a few things.

- Did I mention how much I hate Mike and the Mechanics? In the Living Years is a morbid song, and anyone who would want to listen to it while shopping is a psychopath. Really.

- Why do my bosses only assign women to do the health and beauty aisle and blokes to do the soft drink aisle?

- Do not ask me to "check out the back" for something. I will look on the cages that I have to unload for an item that is not on the shelf, but we do not have shelves of merchandise behind the "employees only" doors waiting for you. Modern supermarkets don't work this way. I'm not being lazy, I'm saving us both some time. "Out the back" doesn't exist. If you insist of course I will go, where I will waste the appropriate amount of time explaining to my boss what you want while we share a laugh at your belief that we don't know our jobs. And you still won't have what you want.

The rest of the time my mind is spent in my "happy place", which may not be suitable even for this blog. Especially when it's read by your mother and mother-in-law.